Detour - there's a funny road ahead (as the song says!)

As I waited for the first "in home cleaning service" to start (all day - to no avail, again - but that's another story!) at Mum's place today, I asked her to give me the Enduring Power of Attorney she'd made out for me years ago, as I thought I may need the original sometime soon (some places accepting a photocopy, and other places not).  I felt a bit ....something......apologetic almost - because I thought she might balk at the idea that she can't make her own decisions.  But no, that wasn't an issue - the issue for her was she had no idea what it was and absolutely no memory of having done it when I reminded her.  What could be a better indication of the need for me to obtain it?  She was in fact very co-operative, and we searched together in several possible locations - she only remembered one of them!  We found a very formal looking document headed Advance Health Directive - I flipped through it and saw the words EPOA in it, so took it with me.  Of course, when I got it home and went through it thoroughly, it was NOT the EPOA - I say of course because EVERYTHING on this journey is complicated. Nothing straightforward.  Its a journey of detours and detours and detours, such that if I don't actually list the things I have achieved I begin to feel I've achieved nothing except going in circles!

Phone Call To Lala Land

..where Bonnie lives presently.

- I've been upstairs all day today (oh, I wonder what that means)
- No, I haven't noticed the cool breeze - yes the windows are shut in the living room.  You just have to shut them, and open them again, with the changing weather ( I suggest, again, it would be cooler if you open one - when am I going to give up on using logic?)
- Well, I'll have to go shopping tomorrow, I haven't anymore bread - its a bit hard without bread
- What will  you eat tonight?
- Oh I have some vegetables - (lists food - protein has not featured for a while now except the dairy kind - milk and yoghurt - and the many lollies she enjoys and will shop for.)  (I foolishly suggest less lollies, again - muttering about diabetes...)
- I can see in the mirror how wide I am getting. (And tells me exactly which of the 4 or 5 different kinds of lollies she eats when)  Maybe you'll need some new clothes then.  Oh I have another dress - I'm not worried about that. (Someone else will have to start worrying about it soon then)
- Are you finding it difficult to get to the shops? (She does not answer directly but i wonder if she might be and think about introducing the idea of someone taking her shopping, sooner rather than later)
- I've been listening to Tchaikovsky - lovely music (oh good, music still works)
-Saw a program on TV about miners  (she's remembering how to work the new TV then - another tick)
- Yes, I got the milk alright on Friday - i got up at 1 o'clock (morning) and it was there, so I just brought it in and it was still cold (Oh, good,  I say - i've stopped introducing logic to this topic!)


Am I getting better at speaking lala?  I'm a slow learner i think.
But she's happy - and I'm very glad of that today.


Its like having a conversation on 3 levels - listening, responding, decoding, making mental notes for my plans.

Coming Out of the Fog

Dear blogger-sphere,

Somehow the fog is clearing somewhat, I say hesitantly.  Had a break from all the "must-dos" by being on leave from work for a few weeks, getting several things done and garnering support and some action from other relies.  There seems to be a tension in me between wanting to rush in and "fix everything", not really being able to do this because each step is quite hard emotionally and usually intricate, and so having to do it all a bit at a time but live in the presence of the mountain of stuff yet to do! Tomorrow begins someone cleaning the house - a huge issue for Mum who's never wanted strangers coming into the house, but I cannot wait for it to be clean after years of tolerating increasing dirtiness.  Not done yet, of course!  Would love to move onto cleaning her up - especially her hair (now long, and long unwashed)- that of course will not be simple.

It has helped becoming more informed about stages of alzheimers and what the disease does to brains - at least I can see something of what's ahead and how to plan, not feel constantly lost and confused about what to do.  I predict, based on the latest info, that we'll have about a year of her being in her own home before she needs to move to supported accommodation, but that of course I could be totally out.  After all I can pinpoint stage 4, or "mild alzheimers", but don't know how far along she is, and everybody's different!  For now though the plan is to put in as much community support as we can and see how long that maintains her at home.  Courage!

Its All Come Crashing Down

It all seems to have come crashing down since my last entry.  Don't really know why exactly, but something to do with - the more I have been doing for Mum, the more I find out how badly she is functioning and how much needs doing.  So calling in help now, from family and professionals.  I probably can't face the reality of how bad its gonna get, or is that how bad it has got?  That, alongside - she thinks its all the same?!?!? Mind numbing.  Feels at the moment like being caught in a box with no way out.

Here Goes!

About to start another "persuading"conversation with Mum.  Remember to start with friendly chat, remember to not STAY in friendly chat, but to move to needed task!

Anosognosia - the official word for it!

Turns out there's an official word for "making right hand turns" - anosognosia. Its reassuring when what I've been experiencing can be explained in physiological terms.  Its all in this article - http://alzonline.phhp.ufl.edu/en/reading/Anosognosia.pdf - explanations and some helpful hints about how to do those "right hand turns" when trying to persuade the person you're trying to look after to go along with the lastest solution to the latest problem you're trying to tackle!  Lots of trying in there, huh?  Yes its trying in more ways than one! tee hee.
They explain doing "right hand turns" as :  Their remarks should be treated with respect, followed by a smooth transition to whatever tasks or activities need to occur next. Indeed - now to put it into practice!

Making Right Turns

The money issue.  I figured, if some stranger on the phone can convince Mum to walk up to Post Office straight away and get a money order to send him, surely I can persuade her to let me re-arrange her money and co-sign her account!

So I talked to her today.  I realised I need to change my habits of communicating with her, as Bob recommends in Alzheimer's Reading Room.  My habit is to listen closely and follow her logic and reasoning.  That's been getting me nowhere for years.  Now I realise the change I've got to make is like making a sudden right hand turn - leading her not where her patchy logic leads, but where I want to take her - in order to protect her from the deficits in herself that she does not acknowledge or recognise.  Seemed to work as she agreed to getting a bank account holding the bulk of her savings which I have to co-sign for her to access.  Now I'm just getting the details from the bank about what they can offer, then we'll be able to set it up.  She's not agreeing to direct debiting regular bills yet - perhaps that's too foreign an idea for her. So for the time being I'll have to try and monitor them and separate them from the junk mail!

So my new lesson is, remember the Right Turn!